Perfect Life
Ever seen those commercials where u see these green grass patches and picket fences and blue skies?
and u got one or two kids jumping ropes and the mom and dad unpacks the picnic basket and the dad smiles at mom and the mom calls the kids and the kids run to them like they're friggin obedient for some drugged reasons.
Well....... that's too perfect for me anyways..
but u gotta admit in life, we do want something to keep us breathing.. the feeling of assuring that at least we are enjoying our lives. the fact that we could grab as much happiness in lbs from life as we could despite the whole ugliness of life. let's be real..... ants climb up into the picnic basket... bites the shit outta the parents and the kids... the kids don't wash their hands and get some germs into their food
BUT WE IGNORE THESE THINGS
ok, back to my life.... I love justin... i'm falling head over heels for him... his absence kills me... but because of my ex, simon, i refuse to show him how much i'm suffering here.. and because he's got some issues as well which i don't really feel like blogging about cos it's his issues. So, i was telling my friend about how I don't wanna get back to the whole insecure and fear stage we encounter in the whole relationship era. I was a fucktard and a very insecure one with simon cos i never trusted him. He said he'll be out but i'll be worried sick if he won't come back. That's not called love. that's called being a fucktard and not loving for who or what he is but for what i like things to be. It's greed. So, with justin, i totally blacked my greed out... i wanted him to know i love him for what he is.... it was all good.... until
one of my friends made a point tonight
I told him i trust justin....n he asks if i had earn it?
the truth is NO.
I never earned his trust i'm only doing it cos i'm a dreamer and wants to make things good. I'm lying to myself and living a lie that i'm cool with this when actually i'm totally broken to pieces inside about my everyday worrying sick about that boy and yes, i admit it, i want attention too.
The thing is my friend "Mojo"(not his real name) made the best point where i just stared at the screen and noticed i still have yet to learn about life.... and myself
He said something along the line that i'm just trying to see things in a way by lying to myself about it and kinda not showing myself and blaming myself for something that might not have been perfect. Well, from what i understood, I think I'm being someone i'm not by falling for this boy. I am a patient individual but i'm weak. I'm not as strong as justin thinks i am. It scares me so much now that I noticed I'm lying to myself. I'm thinking about picnic baskets when I am actually ignoring my ant bites.
I'm feeling like shit tongiht too cos my flatmate's being a fucktard and I wrote an angry email to the point where i got chest pain and shake myself to death. The weather didn't help either. The last time that had happened to me was when I got angry with my life and my grandparents and tried to cut my wrist. Ok.. i'm never doing that again bu then again, i'm feeling all shitty now.. and very pessimistic
Have I always been someone in my life on account of everyone's happiness around me?
Am i happy?
i'll never know.....
serves me right
and u got one or two kids jumping ropes and the mom and dad unpacks the picnic basket and the dad smiles at mom and the mom calls the kids and the kids run to them like they're friggin obedient for some drugged reasons.
Well....... that's too perfect for me anyways..
but u gotta admit in life, we do want something to keep us breathing.. the feeling of assuring that at least we are enjoying our lives. the fact that we could grab as much happiness in lbs from life as we could despite the whole ugliness of life. let's be real..... ants climb up into the picnic basket... bites the shit outta the parents and the kids... the kids don't wash their hands and get some germs into their food
BUT WE IGNORE THESE THINGS
ok, back to my life.... I love justin... i'm falling head over heels for him... his absence kills me... but because of my ex, simon, i refuse to show him how much i'm suffering here.. and because he's got some issues as well which i don't really feel like blogging about cos it's his issues. So, i was telling my friend about how I don't wanna get back to the whole insecure and fear stage we encounter in the whole relationship era. I was a fucktard and a very insecure one with simon cos i never trusted him. He said he'll be out but i'll be worried sick if he won't come back. That's not called love. that's called being a fucktard and not loving for who or what he is but for what i like things to be. It's greed. So, with justin, i totally blacked my greed out... i wanted him to know i love him for what he is.... it was all good.... until
one of my friends made a point tonight
I told him i trust justin....n he asks if i had earn it?
the truth is NO.
I never earned his trust i'm only doing it cos i'm a dreamer and wants to make things good. I'm lying to myself and living a lie that i'm cool with this when actually i'm totally broken to pieces inside about my everyday worrying sick about that boy and yes, i admit it, i want attention too.
The thing is my friend "Mojo"(not his real name) made the best point where i just stared at the screen and noticed i still have yet to learn about life.... and myself
He said something along the line that i'm just trying to see things in a way by lying to myself about it and kinda not showing myself and blaming myself for something that might not have been perfect. Well, from what i understood, I think I'm being someone i'm not by falling for this boy. I am a patient individual but i'm weak. I'm not as strong as justin thinks i am. It scares me so much now that I noticed I'm lying to myself. I'm thinking about picnic baskets when I am actually ignoring my ant bites.
I'm feeling like shit tongiht too cos my flatmate's being a fucktard and I wrote an angry email to the point where i got chest pain and shake myself to death. The weather didn't help either. The last time that had happened to me was when I got angry with my life and my grandparents and tried to cut my wrist. Ok.. i'm never doing that again bu then again, i'm feeling all shitty now.. and very pessimistic
Have I always been someone in my life on account of everyone's happiness around me?
Am i happy?
i'll never know.....
serves me right
This will be our mascot and both of us have to have one each and we'll pray to it everynight wishing we'll look like that one day. And for our lunch, breakfast and dinner, we'll have nothing but water and we'll fast "RELIGIOUSLY" every now and then. We will join the 'save the animals' and 'save the veggies' community. We might have a 'Veggies have lives too' club in facebook. Our priestesses would be Nicole Richie and the daughter of Donnatello Versace. Our monks would be the kids from Eithiopia. I wonder what we should have as our theme song... I'm asking Ling wei if 'Y U so fat' is a good song at the moment. I wonder what she'll have to say. It will go in the melody of YMCA but dang, our version will kick more ass than Village People. They're fat anyway.Ling Wei also mentioned we can rub our bellies while we're singing. That'll be hot. Our religion would be called 'thinism'. We hate people who thinks being thin is anorexic or bulimic. It's not.. being thin is just being thin... nothing to do with health... We love being thin and being able to switch our legs around in bed and being able to fit into any boxes in case we don't get permanent residence.
It's like you can actually use her boobs as this headache healer after a big day at work. It was not even swelling. Normally, boobs swell when they're huge thanx to gravity but this chick's boobs were sticking out. And it doesn't look like two mountains and the fact that she had a tight top on made it look like this major capsule on her chest. It's like if she was to hide during a bank robbery or something she'd be seen anyways cos her booobs will be everywhere. I'm sure she could actually like her own boobs like some porno chick does.. OMG they're just HUGE. It's like two watermelons. Come to think of it, it's kinda disgusting. Another funny thing is the fact that she was actually THIN and she managed to stand upright, unlike Barbie dolls, that keep falling whenever I try to set them in a standup position. Lazy bitch always lie down... no wonder they call her a slut.